How To Have A Difficult Conversation With A Board Member When There Is A Lot At Stake

Whether you’re a new CEO or a seasoned veteran of the top job, sooner or later you’re going to face a situation that requires a difficult conversation with a board member. While there is no “one size fits all” solution, here are a few tips to help the conversation move toward a productive outcome:

1. Understand the other person’s perspective. Good conflict management skills begin with understanding the other person’s perspective. Before you approach the conversation, ask yourself some pointed questions. What might the other person be worried about? Why is this issue important to them? What is at stake for them? When you understand the underlying motives behind their position, you are better able to put the conversation into a context they can relate to.

2. Check your emotions. When dealing with a difficult subject, emotions often run high. This may lead to a conversation ruled by the heart ahead of logic or facts. One way to manage your own emotions is to ask questions of the other person – Listen without judgment and avoid being defensive. Ask them why the issue is important to them personally. Or, ask them for their view point on the subject at hand. Don’t assume you know their issues. Just asking for their input can create a sense that you are willing to listen and act on their views.

3. Acknowledge their position. One sure-fire way to derail a conversation is to leave the other person feeling like they aren’t being heard or that their view is not understood. Take the simple but effective step of acknowledging their view and why the issue is important to them.

4. Get the facts. Have a good grasp of the facts that reinforce your point or points, and state your position clearly and concisely. Once you get past the emotion and are able to put the issue in terms the other person can relate to, you’ll need to bolster your position with a set of compelling facts that lead to action.

5. Find common ground. Before you start your conversation, have a good sense of what you see as things you can agree on; what points might you be willing to concede; and know what success looks like – for both parties. Thinking through potential common areas of agreement ahead of time can make it easier to guide the conversation if things get tenses during the discussion. Ending the conversation with a set of items where both parties feel like they have gained something can move a difficult conversation to a productive outcome.

It’s helpful to remember that leaders with good conflict management skills have developed those competencies over a long period of time. Building this skill set will take time and practice, but the reward will be worth the effort.

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